I wanted to share a status update that I wrote on Facebook a while back, here on my blog.
I’ll never be a size 0. Hell, I’ll probably never even be a size 6. The smallest size I’ve ever been was a size 9 and that was in the beginning of high school. Looking at photographs of myself from back then I realize that I was downright skinny, but at the time I felt like a I was fat because of the size I wore. I recently lost at least 30 lbs, I don’t know exactly how much because I stopped weighing myself after the scale hit a certain number. So I don’t know what my actual highest weight was. I was also shocked to realize that I had lost any weight because when I did step on the scale again I was expecting to see that I had gained. Yes, even with all of the clothes that were too loose, I expected to see that I had gained. I wish that when I was younger I had realized that some women will never be able to look like the women in the magazines. Hell, I wish I realized that the women in the magazines don’t look like the women in the magazines! I reject the “healthy weight” that I am supposed to be at. If I drop down to that weight I will be decidedly unhealthy. I’m curvy and always will be. All women are built differently, I was not built to ever be a size 0.
Here’s a comment that I wrote on that same status update.
But seriously, think about it. How is it even remotely a good idea to set these impossible images of women as the “ideal woman”? If even the women in the magazines can’t actually look like that and if in order to be even close to that image they have to do amazingly dangerously unhealthy things, what message is that really sending? It’s absolutely ridiculous that those images are what are considered images of healthy women. I love food and I refuse to starve myself again or deprive myself of the things I like just to be a smaller size, it’s just not worth it…
I, by the way, am 5′ 6″ and a size 14 now, and I am actually happy about it. Most days.
I have been reading some other blogs where women are either struggling to appreciate the body that they have, or are struggling with an active eating disorder that has taken over their life. One of the things that I keep seeing either said by these women, or to these women in comments, is about eating healthy foods or good foods. What I feel like screaming is there is no such thing as a bad food! If you restrict what you have decided you are “allowed” to eat, you will rebel. Eating like that is not healthy, nor is it sustainable. If you do manage to only eat certain foods for a certain amount of time, you might lose some weight, but once you revert back to eating “normally” you will more than likely gain it back and then some. Dieting is not worth it! Once all foods are options, you can work on eating what you actually want, when you are actually hungry until you are satisfied. Not until you are full, or stuffed, but satisfied. When you realize that you can have that food again whenever you decide you would like to, you are less likely to overdo it.
Don’t count calories. Don’t “eat only good foods”. Eat when you hungry, enough to fuel you, and then stop. This is what I am currently trying to work on learning.
Also, learn to be okay with yourself, no matter what size you are. Don’t make it about a size, or a number on a scale. Stop focusing on losing weight, and start focusing on treating your body with the respect that it deserves.
Your worth is not measured my how much you weigh. Your life will not magically become better just because you hit some arbitrary number on a scale.
Your life is worth going out and actually living, right as you are, right now. You are enough.