So I had an interesting experience when I stepped on the scale today. Last time I weighed myself was a couple Saturdays ago, and I had actually gained some weight. Not a lot, but I had been noticing that my weight had been slowly creeping upward again. I decided to step on the scale today, and found that I had dropped down lower than I’ve been in a long time. Like maybe 10 lbs or so lower than the last time I weighed myself. I was shocked, until I thought about my eating habits the last few days. Apparently eating only twice a day, and only really small meals when I do eat, is not a good thing.
I went from feeling hungry pretty much all the time (or eating out of boredom) to forgetting to eat because I just don’t feel hungry. I probably am hungry, but it seems that my body has reverted back to not recognizing hunger again. This sudden change in my eating habits was not brought on by something bad, by some stressful event. I’m actually happier right now than I’ve been in a long time. But apparently good things can trigger old behaviors too. And when you’re not doing it out of stress, out of trying to find some sense of being in control of at least one aspect of your life, it can apparently be more insidious than you would expect.
Because I have to confess, it’s tempting to continue on with the extremely restricted diet. Anorexia is still alive and well in my head, apparently. It’s whispering to me, “look at all the weight you lost so quickly, all you have to do is not eat… don’t you feel better not eating?”