Posted in Apartment Living, Blogging, Food, Mental Health, Weight

Why it can’t all be about a number on a scale…

In the last few months since my last blog post a lot has happened in my life. My husband and I moved out of the apartment that we had been living in for the past 7 years or so and into a townhouse. The move was stressfull. We rented a U-haul truck, carried all of our stuff down 3 flights of stairs and loaded it all into the back of the truck with the help of one of our friends. We then drove that truck a little ways across the valley and, with the help of the same friend, unloaded that truck into our new garage. My husband and I then spent the next few days making several trips up and down the stairs connecting the garage to our living space while slowly unpacking our stuff.

Our townhouse has a fireplace and our new apartment complex is located right next to a wooded walking trail. So once we were a bit more settled we started taking walks on the trail and collecting as much firewood as we could with the help of our camp saw before the snows came. And then there was much sawing our collected firewood down to size in our garage.

We have moved from a place that had a grocery store located directly behind the apartment complex, to one where the nearest grocery store is now about a mile away. And we don’t have a car. We have signed up for some carshare programs out here, so we’ve been able to use a car for some of our larger shopping trips, but money is tight so most of our shopping trips we’ve had to walk there and back.

When we moved we knew that it would be expensive, but you can never quite be prepared for just how expensive it can actually be. Just getting electricity turned on cost us $250 more than we expected to have to spend. Add an unexpected wage garnishment to the mix right after moving in and you have a situation where you are now having to choose between paying all your bills or buying groceries. And even if you decide to not buy any groceries, you still can’t afford to pay all your bills, so you have to decide which bills won’t be getting paid right now just to be certain that rent will be paid and you are excited when you figure out how to squeeze $20 out of your budget for a small grocery shopping trip. You turn your heat down after you are unpleasantly surprised by how much your first natural gas bill was and yet find that the bill went up again the next month. So you turn your heat down as low as you can without risking your pipes bursting.

And we can’t have anymore fires right now, because all of the firewood we collected before has all been used by now.

So I’ve been freezing, hungry, depressed and stressed. Add that to the slightly increased physical activity since the move and somehow I have managed to lose about 12 lbs since we moved in November. Which puts me at a weight that I haven’t been at since high school, if not before that. I had given up on losing anymore weight, and am now at a weight that I never thought I’d be at again. A weight that I was convinced that if I could just get down to it again I could finally be happy with myself… but I’m not. The scale tells me I’ve lost weight. My clothes fit a lot more loosely than they should. And, the scariest thing for me, my wedding and engagement rings are now very loose. I got engaged my senior year of high school and my rings have always fit, but now I have to remove them before washing my hands in order to make sure they don’t fall off and go down the drain… And despite all the signs that I have lost weight, I still don’t really see it when I look in the mirror. It has gotten a bit better recently, I don’t always see myself as horribly fat when I look in the mirror now. But hitting that “magic number” did not automatically make me love myself. It’s gotta be about more than just that number.

I am still not at what might be considered my “ideal weight”, and by some standards I might still be considered “overweight”, but I think I’ve actually dropped out of the “overweight” range and into the “healthy” range according to some charts. But I’m never sure what charts to trust.

One of my blogging friends was just recently brave enough to share her weight on her blog. I think that I am going to do the same today. Because it’s just a number. And if I let people know what I weigh, it might help keep me grounded in reality.
I’m 31 years old. 5’6” and, as of today (1/13/2014), I weigh 153 lbs.

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6 thoughts on “Why it can’t all be about a number on a scale…

    1. We have seen a few “free firewood” signs around, but without a car it’s more difficult to take advantage of things like that since the wood being offered is often either large and heavy, or awkward and unweildy… Plus, since the Salt Lake Valley has a real air quality problem we have several “no burn” days, and if we got caught burning wood or one of those duraflame logs in our fireplace we could get fined $300. This year it seems there are far more “no burn” days than there are days when it’s unrestricted…

      Thanks, dj, for your offer of help. Having friends online to reach out to is a big help. Unfortunately things have only gotten worse since this post. My cat is currently receiving emergency treatment at the vet because his liver and gallbladder are failing for some reason. He’s 12 years old, so we’re not sure if he’s going to pull through this. 😦 We’re also broke, so we’re not sure if we can afford all the treatment he might need. 😦

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      1. Poor kitty. :-/
        I’m so sorry. If I was closer I’d bring you some firewood, or let you borrow my truck if nothing else.
        Have you checked on Craigslist? Maybe there is someone willing to bring the wood to you? Maybe if you stop and talk to the free firewood people they will understand your situation and help you out as best the can. The no burn days certainly don’t help… I get that. Is there a way to plan to be out of the house and in warmer places on those days? The library? A shelter? A diner, sipping on some coffee or tea or something like that?
        I’m embarrased that that is the totatlity of my helpful ideas right now. I should be able to come up with more…

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