Posted in Blogging, Writing Challenges

A glimpse inside my illusion: week 12…

These are my answers to this week’s Share Your World questions.

What is your most favorite smell/scent?

I don’t know that I can pick just one smell or scent. I love the smell of vanilla, chocolate, pumpkin, coconut, pear, peach, or a sweet apple scent.

coconut5

How do you write: computer, longhand or other?

I usually write via my computer or smartphone.

Your favorite blog post that you have written? (add link)

I’m not sure what my favorite blog post that I’ve written would be. If I went by the blog post that always gets the most views it would be Removing toxic people from your life, even if they’re family. That post is the most popular post on my blog based on views. (Almost 10,000 views on that post alone since it was written over a year ago.) The most common search terms that bring people to my blog are ones looking for ways to deal with toxic family members. I know that at least some of the people who find that blog post do actually stick around to read it, because they leave their stories of dealing with toxic people in the comments on that and other posts dealing with that subject. When I wrote that post I braced myself for hateful comments about what a horrible person I am, so the number of people who have decided to share their stories or ask for advice in dealing with similar situations  is real surprise to me. But while I am proud of this post and the good that it’s done for myself and others, I’m not sure that it’s actually my favorite post.

My favorite post might be one entitled Let me tell you a little bit about myself. Or maybe one where I where I tell everyone why This is NOT a weight loss blog. Or possibly the one where I talk about my experiences with Thunderstorms. (That last one really stands out to me because of the way that my ex ridiculed it and doubted that I really had the experiences that I talk about. The positive feedback that I got after posting it to my blog really meant a lot to me.)

What’s one of your favorite books from childhood?

I can’t pick just one, but these are some of them.

Favorite Childhood Books

The Secret Garden book is a pop-up book. If I absolutely had to pick one of these it would probably be that one because it’s the one I originally went downstairs to find to take a picture of. When I saw these others though, I had to include them as well. And yes, all of these (except for the Frederick book) are the original ones from my childhood. 🙂

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

I’m grateful for discovering that we can use the walking trail behind our apartment complex to get to a Walmart. And for having a few extra bucks this weekend and being able to walk to that Walmart and pick up these.

New Nail Polish 3-23-2014 Pure Ice 'Wide Awake' 3-23-2014

They are (from left to right) NYC #140 “Empire State Blue”, Pure Ice #1012 “Wide Awake”, Pure Ice #540 “So Into”, Pure Ice #1082 “Be My Cover”, and Sally Hansen Hard as Nails #700 “Rock Star”. I’m wearing “Wide Awake” in that picture.

I’m looking forward to my husband having the day off on Friday this week. Hopefully the sore throat and general cruddy feeling that I’ve got right now is just allergies and I’ll be feeling better by then…

Posted in Blogging, Photo Challenges

Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge: Purple…

Purple is my favorite color, so I’ve been looking forward to the topic of “purple” ever since I started participating in Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge a few weeks ago and saw it was coming up.

Here are my submissions.

Crocus 3-12-2014 30

A couple of crocus flowers outside my apartment complex.

Bathroom Doorway Curtain

A close up of the curtain in my bathroom doorway.

Shower Curtain Butterfly

A butterfly on my shower curtain.

Shower Curtain Hooks

My shower curtain hooks.

Flowers outside the hospital 3-15-2014 2

Some pansies outside of a nearby hospital.

Posted in Blogging, Photo Challenges

Cee’s Black & White Photo Challenge: Nature…

I know that I’m late in submitting for this challenge, but when I saw the prompt of Found In Nature for Cee’s Black & White Photo Challenge a week ago I thought that I could probably get some good photos for it along the walking trail behind my apartment complex.

577 photos later…

Luckily I never intended to keep all the photos that I took and was able to discard about 300 or so photos, but the process of going through and choosing which photos to keep and then cleaning them up took much longer than I expected it to. Not to mention figuring out which photos were suitable for being turned into black & white photos.

Anyway, here are my submissions.

Ducks in Jordan River Panoramic - Black&WhiteJordan River Trail (Off Trail) 3-14-2014 2 - Black&WhiteReeds & Mountains 3-14-2014 2 - Black&WhiteJordan River mountain view 3-15-2014 - Black & White

Posted in Blogging, Food, Writing Challenges

A glimpse inside my illusion: week 11…

These are my answers to this week’s Share Your World questions.

If you were an ice cream cone how many scoops and flavors would you be and why?

I think that I would actually be a bowl of ice cream with a sugar cone broken up into it because I like to eat my ice cream with a spoon. And I might not be ice cream, but maybe a bowl of self serve frozen yogurt. And since self serve frozen yogurt doesn’t come in scoops, I’d be a small sampling of whatever flavors were eye catching, probably involving a lot of variations of chocolate. And definitely topped with some mochi.

You can buy ice cream

Are you left or right handed?

Right handed.

Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?

Most of the time, yes. I avoid the phone as much as possible though and will usually have my husband take care of any phone calls that need to be made.

How many rings before you answer the phone?

I let voice mail answer the phone for me.

Hang up and text

I even almost rejected an automated phone call with a security code I requested earlier today. I thought I had selected the “text me” option and was most unimpressed when my phone started ringing.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up? 

I am grateful for the beautiful weather we had over the weekend which allowed my husband and I to walk on the trail behind our complex. And for all the photos that I was able to take while we took our walks. And for digital cameras, because I don’t even want to think about how much money it would have taken to develop all of the 577 photos I ended up taking this weekend…

I take a bunch of photos of the same scene so that I can go through later and choose the ones that came out the best and then discard the rest. Since I have already sorted through them all, I look forward to finishing cleaning up the photos that are left this week.

Posted in Blogging, Relationships

If a “right” is going to be taken away because of feminism, perhaps it was never really a “right” to begin with…

Back while I was still dating en ex boyfriend, I had a conversation with him where one of our mutual friends was brought up and then the conversation veered down a side path that had become all too familiar to me. It was all too familiar to me because it’s where our conversations went every single time this friend of ours was mentioned in conversation. Every time that this specific friend came up in conversation, my then boyfriend would always speculate on whether or not this friend of ours might be gay. He would then list a bunch of reasons why he thought this might be possible. Most of the time I would basically just let him ramble on and then I would remind him (again) that I did very briefly date the friend in question, (for about an afternoon in high school) which doesn’t really mean anything one way or the other as far as the likeliness of this friend being gay or not, and that I had no clue what his sexuality was and then I would try to move the conversation on.

Except one afternoon I stopped playing along. I had finally had enough.

When the inevitable speculation about this friend’s sexuality started up I finally asked my ex “What the hell does it matter whether he’s gay or not? Why do you have to speculate on his “gayness” every. single. time. he comes up in conversation? How the fuck is his sexuality any of your business?”

My ex took issue with me saying he did it “every time”, that I was exaggerating and blowing things out of proportion.

I wasn’t though. Out of the two of of us, I was the one with a better memory and I had a much better recall for conversations that we had had. He would flat out tell me that his memory sucked… but apparently when it comes to him doing things that I find offensive he’s the one with the better memory… *eyeroll*

Not only would it come up every time that this friend was mentioned, he’d say the exact same things to support his “theory”.

When he stopped arguing with me about how frequently we’d had this conversation in the past he started listing things that this friend had said to him and then saying to me “Now tell me that that doesn’t sound gay.” or something along those lines. And he would say that “Of course it doesn’t matter, it’s just some things he says makes me wonder.”

And when I pointed out to him yet again that I had very briefly dated this guy in high school his response this time was. “LOL Maybe you were his “beard”!”

I responded to his justifications for wondering and his “beard” comment by telling him that I was “trying really hard not be offended because I knew that he wasn’t trying to be mean.” Although the continued speculations after I pointed out that it wasn’t his business and then the “beard” comment made my blood boil.

His response?

“Geez, I can’t even make a joke anymore… *sigh*”

What my response was: “Oh please, like I don’t let you get away with jokes that are more offensive than this all the time…”

What my response should have been, possibly in connection with the above: “No. You can’t “make a joke” anymore if it’s something that I tell you I find offensive. And there shouldn’t be any problem with that.”

But because of how this conversation, and others like it, actually went, I learned to bite my tongue more often about the things that bothered me because criticism was never taken well by him. And I was always made to feel like was the one being unreasonable. That I was being “too sensitive and needed to lighten up”. That I needed to learn to “take a joke.”

When he would talk about being “okay with feminism as long as it’s fair”, I would think at first “Okay this is a guy who understands and supports feminism.” And then when blindsided by certain things that he would say I would automatically think that maybe I needed to “lighten up” because he “didn’t mean anything by it” because he was “supportive” of feminism. And because he said that he was “supportive” if I pointed out that he was doing something offensive he would get offended because he’s a “good guy” and is “on my side”.

feminist

But as time went on I began to focus more on the “as long as it’s fair” part of that statement. Because he seemed to be of the opinion that anything that would make women’s lives better might potentially “harm” men in some way. That he seemed to believe that if “Feminists” really got their way, that he would lose a lot of rights. As often as he claimed that he knew that feminism wasn’t man-hating, he’d still talk about how certain “feminists” were like that. Only his ideas of what was “man-hating” usually turned out to be an article that I had in fact read earlier and had agreed with. An article that had expressed anger through sarcasm, justifiable anger over situations that I myself have actually been in. And when I would point out to him that that wasn’t “man-hating” he was say something like that he didn’t like the “writing style”. Or that he thought that it was “way out there”.

As a cisgender, straight, white male he was going to decide what was “way out there” in terms of other people being oppressed or abused.

Because he simply couldn’t believe that maybe there are men out there that are really that bad. It must have been an exaggeration.

Which proved that he wasn’t really “supportive” of feminism but was in fact distrustful of it instead. Always afraid that it would go too far and he would lose the right to do things. That he would be oppressed.

feminism__not__by_poasterchild-d6q8ata

 

What he never seemed to understand was that if he would lose the “right” to do something (like tell offensive jokes) because of feminism, that maybe be never should have been doing it in the first place.

bellhooksquote