Posted in Blogging, Mental Health, Writing Challenges

A strange delusion…

There’s this thing that happens to me when I’m half awake sometimes. I don’t know why it started, but it’s something that’s stuck around for a number of years. 

Sometimes when I’m half awake I become convinced that my apartment, and my bedroom especially, are a public place. Not that they transform into another place, but that they are someplace that people can come and go from freely. It even goes so far as that if my husband is still sleeping in bed with me I am uncertain if he is really him or a stranger. Because in my delusions state I think that my bed is something that many people share at once. That random people can come in and just climb into my bed with me and go to sleep. There are times when my brain insists that there might be as many as 4-5 people in my queen size bed. This had stuck with me even after moving twice.

I don’t know how my brain decided that this was going to be a thing. All of the apartments that I’ve lived in have very much been private spaces. We even have a security system that is almost always armed at our current place. Perhaps it was because of that one time in a previous apartment that a maintenance man let himself in while I was still asleep in bed. He came nowhere near my bedroom, he just said hello to the cats I had at the time, did what he needed to do in my utility room and let himself back out. I liked that maintenance man, but the experience still freaked me out some as I silently watched from my barely cracked bedroom door. 

So logically I know that the delusion is just that, a delusion, but that doesn’t keep my brain from deciding sometimes that my bedroom and Grand Central Station are one in the same.