Posted in Blogging, Mental Health, Writing Challenges

I feel like I crashed a party…

I’ve always had issues with feeling like nobody really likes me or actually wants to be my friend. 

I do well for a while, enjoying the friendships that I’ve cultivated, and then the doubt starts to creep in.

I’ve really enjoyed getting to know everyone that I met through Nano Poblano, and getting to know people that I met before it better as well.

I started to feel like I’ve found my people, my tribe… My Blokin as Ra calls it. 

I basked in the happiness and warmth of belonging.

And then the thoughts of “… but you don’t really belong…” started again.

I started to feel like I invited myself to y’all’s party and that you’re all just too polite to ask me to leave. 

My brain doesn’t care about the fact that Ra specifically and enthusiastically invited me to join #TeamTinyPeppers.

It’s certain that I probably received the invitation by mistake.

My brain tells me that everyone probably found my daily link up posts on the Cheer Peppers Facebook group towards the end of November to be annoying. That they probably were hoping that someone who actually belonged there would take over.

No matter that Bradley set it up specifically so that I could do those posts. Or that Bradley and Ra both thanked me for doing them after November ended and they had a chance to breathe.

My depression is very good at telling me that there is no reason why people would actually want to interact with me. 

I’m trying to fight it, but self doubt and low self esteem are hard things to beat.

This post isn’t me looking for sympathy, it’s me being real and sharing my struggle because I know I’m not alone in dealing with feelings like this. 

If you are also going through this, you are not alone.

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8 thoughts on “I feel like I crashed a party…

  1. You aren’t alone. A lot of us feel that way, sometimes. Usually, it isn’t true. Especially with Ra and Bradley. They say what they mean and are generally nice people. Keep smiling as you are wanted around here. 🙂

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  2. Well I for one, was glad you were doing the link up posts. They made it so much easier to keep up, and even then I fell behind. One of my favorite parts of Nano Poblano is the new blog friends I make, like YOU. 🙂

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  3. Oh my gosh. This is how I feel every weekend. That and I am fighting a bad habit that keeps kicking my butt on the weekends, it seriously saps all of my energy. All I’ve done today is sleep. (((HUGS))) You’re definitely wanted in our group. You have a wonderful energy. ❤ 🙂

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    1. Thank you, Bradley. ❤ (((HUGS))) right back at you. Today was our monthly shopping day, so I spent the entire day running around while sleep deprived. I think we managed to get everything on the list (and then some…), so I’m calling it a win. 😀

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  4. Maybe it helps if you believe most people think the same way. The number of likes I get for my posts have fallen off a cliff since the end of November, for example, and I wonder if I’m the plague carrier or something. But no, the truth is always less dramatic, more mundane. We’re just fine the way we are: )

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