Posted in Adulting, Blogging, Condo, Mental Health, Pictures of things that make me happy, Random, Writing Challenges

NanoPoblano2020: Day 13

This gorgeous tile work is part of the backsplash above my bathroom sink. It is one of things that I fell in love with when we were first looking at our condo. I hope that you’ll bear with me as I use this photo as a backdrop for a little bit more serious of a post than what I’ve been doing for most of this month.

Ra Avis over at Rarasaur blog did a post a couple of days ago that got me thinking. She chronicled a few of the things that she deals with after having suffered a series of mini strokes about a year and a half ago.

I have not suffered any mini strokes, what I deal with is minor compared to what she deals with. But I was able relate on some extremely small level.

I am Autistic. I made this discovery (that I’ve always known on some level) a little more than a year ago. I am also on several medications for extreme anxiety. The medications help to keep the anxiety at bay (for the most part) but they also do not so great things to my memory, which in itself is anxiety inducing…

Anyway, to the point of this post.

I am a creature of habit.

Literally.

I figure out a routine for how to do something, and that’s how I do it forever and ever from then on… (Seriously, people will make fun of me for my routines and how precise they are) Until something forces me to change that routine.

Change throws me into chaos. I don’t know how to deal with it. Until I am able to establish a new routine I am the furthest thing from a happy camper.

If I am in the middle of a routine and someone decides to help me and things end up getting done “out of order” I become lost and angry with the person who helped me, even though I know that my anger is unfair.

If I am in the middle of a routine and I get interrupted, I can quite literally have no idea how to proceed.

Here’s a real life example that has happened to me more than once. I am in the process of getting ready to brush my teeth (that’s where the photo above ties in) and something distracts/interrupts me. I turn my attention back to trying to get the toothpaste from the tube to the toothbrush and I have no idea how to make it happen.

I brush my teeth twice a day, everyday. I know how to brush my teeth.

Except when I suddenly don’t anymore because I stopped in the middle of my routine and I don’t know how to proceed. I don’t know which hand does what, how to hold things.

I am lost, scared and confused.

I sometimes have to start over from the beginning so that muscle memory can kick in and I can proceed.

Most people don’t know that I’m Autistic. Some people would catagorize my Autism as “mild”. I hate those sort of labels. I have learned how to appear neurotypical by masking and routines, but how my Autism effects me is anything but mild.

My routines are how I pretend to be a fully functioning adult.

Without them, I am left holding a tube of toothpaste with no idea what to do next.

Posted in Blogging, Cat Mom, Random, Writing Challenges

Happy Tribus! All about the 3 you love…

Happy Tribus day everyone!

Whaaat Minion

Tribus day is brand new holiday, just created a few days ago by Rara and Eli Pacheco. It’s a day to celebrate three things you love. If you’re still confused, check out this post for more information.

So my three things for this very first Tribus day are:

Cats

TeddyPerchSitting

Coffee

I can't stop drinking the coffee

And all of the friends that I have gained through blogging.

i-love-my-computer-because-all-my-friends-live-inside-it-6ab2e

If you would like to participate, just write a post of your 3 loves, link it to Rara’s post explaining Tribus Day (Here) and tag it #HappyTribus.

Posted in Blogging, Family, Marriage, Relationships

No longer anonymous…

When I started this blog a few years ago I didn’t start out as anonymous. I let people on Facebook know that I had a blog and had my posts automatically shared on Facebook when I posted them. But, to my knowledge, not many people I actually knew were reading my blog and I wanted to start writing about things that were going to be easier to write about if no one knew who I was, so I decided to unlink my blog from Facebook. I went completely anonymous. No photos of myself, no names, only vague references to where I lived.

And then as I made friends via my blog I slowly started to give out bits and pieces of information about who I was and where I lived. I let people know that I lived in Northern Utah, in the Salt Lake Valley. That before that I lived in a little town on the Connecticut shoreline where I grew up. I slowly started to post pictures of myself, first without showing my face and then no longer hiding my face. I even changed my user pic to an actual picture of me.

The one thing that I have not done is let people know my real name. But as I have made friends on here and have started to connect with them via my personal Facebook page I have realized that eventually some of my other friends and family are going to figure out that I have a blog. And while that used to worry me because I fear judgement from them for the opinions and life choices that I discuss on this blog, I find that I no longer care as much if they might disapprove. I will be 33 years old on the very last day of November. I have been married to my husband, Curtis, (also known as unremarkable man) for 13 years and living on the other side of the country from most of my friends and family for over 11 years. In other words, I’m grown ass woman, and while I will always appreciate input and support from my friends and family, their opinion on how I choose to live my life doesn’t really matter.

Don't be afraid to rock the boat

I don’t need anyone’s approval or permission to live my truth. And if anyone decides to voice their displeasure with my life choices, just know that one of my life choices is that I don’t need to have negativity in my life. You are allowed to have your opinions, but there is no reason why I need to hear about those opinions unless I have specifically asked for them.

WhatYouThinkOfYourself

My life choices are not up for debate.

I have recently come back to blogging after taking a break from it for almost a year. I spruced up my blog layout. And I have decided that I’m tired of hiding. This is my space to write about what I want, and if people don’t like it, they don’t have to read it.

My name is Charlene Perry.

Posted in Blogging, Random, Writing Challenges

Prompt: What reminds you of who you truly are…

I haven’t done any writing prompts in a long time but I was reading Rara’s blog a little while ago and came across this post and was inspired to go ahead and write a list of my own.

The prompt was: What Reminds You of Who You Truly Are? 

And this is my list:

1.Cats

046

2.The colors purple, blue and green

3.Dragonflies

Explore Dragonfly

4.Butterflies

Cherish Dream

5.Elephants

Candles and Elephant Sepia

6.Frogs

Metal Frogs Cropped

7.Colored pencils

8.Markers

Markers

9.Fairies

Fairies

10.Painted nails

11.Purple hair

7-13-2015 back

12.Hoodies

13.Movies and TV shows based on Comic Books

14.Music

__Music_is_Life___by_Marilyn_Love

15.Rain

16.Thunderstorms

17.This Blog

18.Other People’s Blogs

19.Road Trips

20.Books

EmotionalBookTrauma

21.Cupcake artwork

Cupcakes

22.Solar powered dancing flowers

23.Coffee

cropped-coffee-clock-closeup.jpg

24.Big mugs

Giant Hershey's Mug and Bear

25.The changing seasons, but especially Autumn

26. Colorful rocks

27. The afghan that took me several years to crochet

My Afghan

28. Cobalt blue glass

Cobalt Blue Glass Squares and Circles

29. Magnets

Magnetic Poo

Posted in Abusive Relationships, Blogging, Mental Health, Relationships

Oh… Hey, would you look at that, I’ve still got a blog…

It’s been quite a while since I last posted anything in this blog. I wasn’t sure if I would ever come back to it and I may never have come back at all if it weren’t for the fact that I made friends through this site that I have had contact with via other forms of social media during my absence.

I’m not sure exactly what caused me to walk away from my blog in the first place. But the longer I was away, the harder it seemed to come back.

And then recently I started reading Rara’s blog posts on both her sites about coming back to blogging after being imprisoned for 438 days. After all she suffered, and all she lost, she is finding her way back.

So, if she can do it, so can I.

I had just barely started to actively follow Rara when she was no longer able to continue blogging for a while, but her’s was one of the blogs that I went and binge read back through the archives. I was anxiously awaiting the day that my friends on social media announced that she was free again at last. And it hit me like a ton of bricks when I instead read the words that her husband had died while she was still in prison. So much unfairness that it just can’t be comprehended.

But she’s back to blogging, and I want to try to come back too.

But if I am going to come back, there will have to be a few ground rules. I realize that the most popular and searched posts on my blog are the ones about me cutting off ties with my sister. They were the most commented on by people who were going through similar situations themselves before I closed comments. I do not regret writing those posts, and I hope that people will take comfort that there are others’ who are going through things like what they are going through, but I can not give people advice on how to handle their situations anymore. I am not qualified to give advice and constantly talking about my sister, or randomly being reminded of her via people bringing up those posts and asking for my advice is not healthy for me at this time. So, unless I bring it up myself, those posts are off limits for discussion. I am trying to move on with my life, and I can’t do that while looking backward.

Another ground rule, be patient with me and please don’t be upset if I am not able to keep up with your blogs. There’s a lot going on in my life that has me feeling very overwhelmed, and I just can’t add staying completely up to date with all the blogs I follow to that list.

And related to that last one, please don’t be offended if I take a long time to respond to/approve any comments you may make, or if I never respond at all. I’m sometimes very bad about social interaction.

Posted in Blogging, Cat Mom, Photo Challenges

Cee’s Odd Ball Photo Challenge: Week 7…

I took a little break from blogging the last couple of weeks after I spiked a fever and was forced to admit that I was in fact sick and not just suffering from allergies. Then my husband had some time off from work and my cat had a vet appointment that resulted in him having all of his remaining teeth pulled. So I now have a toothless cat. (He has a condition called Stomatitis that caused his immune system to attack his teeth.)

I have 3 weeks worth of questions to catch up on for the Share Your World challenge, but I don’t feel like tackling that right now. So instead I’m going to share some photos for Cee’s Odd Ball Photo Challenge. These are some closeups I took of a wind chime we have hanging in our bedroom.

Top of windchime Flash 1Clear Part of winddhime 1Beads on windchime Flash 1Beads on windchime 1Middle of windchime 2Middle of windchime flashMiddle of winchime looking up 1Bottom of windchime 2

Posted in Blogging, Writing Challenges

A glimpse inside my illusion: week 12…

These are my answers to this week’s Share Your World questions.

What is your most favorite smell/scent?

I don’t know that I can pick just one smell or scent. I love the smell of vanilla, chocolate, pumpkin, coconut, pear, peach, or a sweet apple scent.

coconut5

How do you write: computer, longhand or other?

I usually write via my computer or smartphone.

Your favorite blog post that you have written? (add link)

I’m not sure what my favorite blog post that I’ve written would be. If I went by the blog post that always gets the most views it would be Removing toxic people from your life, even if they’re family. That post is the most popular post on my blog based on views. (Almost 10,000 views on that post alone since it was written over a year ago.) The most common search terms that bring people to my blog are ones looking for ways to deal with toxic family members. I know that at least some of the people who find that blog post do actually stick around to read it, because they leave their stories of dealing with toxic people in the comments on that and other posts dealing with that subject. When I wrote that post I braced myself for hateful comments about what a horrible person I am, so the number of people who have decided to share their stories or ask for advice in dealing with similar situations  is real surprise to me. But while I am proud of this post and the good that it’s done for myself and others, I’m not sure that it’s actually my favorite post.

My favorite post might be one entitled Let me tell you a little bit about myself. Or maybe one where I where I tell everyone why This is NOT a weight loss blog. Or possibly the one where I talk about my experiences with Thunderstorms. (That last one really stands out to me because of the way that my ex ridiculed it and doubted that I really had the experiences that I talk about. The positive feedback that I got after posting it to my blog really meant a lot to me.)

What’s one of your favorite books from childhood?

I can’t pick just one, but these are some of them.

Favorite Childhood Books

The Secret Garden book is a pop-up book. If I absolutely had to pick one of these it would probably be that one because it’s the one I originally went downstairs to find to take a picture of. When I saw these others though, I had to include them as well. And yes, all of these (except for the Frederick book) are the original ones from my childhood. 🙂

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

I’m grateful for discovering that we can use the walking trail behind our apartment complex to get to a Walmart. And for having a few extra bucks this weekend and being able to walk to that Walmart and pick up these.

New Nail Polish 3-23-2014 Pure Ice 'Wide Awake' 3-23-2014

They are (from left to right) NYC #140 “Empire State Blue”, Pure Ice #1012 “Wide Awake”, Pure Ice #540 “So Into”, Pure Ice #1082 “Be My Cover”, and Sally Hansen Hard as Nails #700 “Rock Star”. I’m wearing “Wide Awake” in that picture.

I’m looking forward to my husband having the day off on Friday this week. Hopefully the sore throat and general cruddy feeling that I’ve got right now is just allergies and I’ll be feeling better by then…